... and old men shall dream dreams ...


"And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions"

I am coming up on the big seven-aught in a very few days.  I don't know how many productive years I have left, but there aren't many left.  It is odd how I will make plans for 20 or 30 years down the road, forgetting that I will not be around to enjoy them.

The pressure is on me to re-invent myself.  To embrace the change.  But whether I will or no, the change will befall me.  The question for me is how to embrace it.  My usual reaction to things I cannot control is to retreat in a snarly corner, and snap at people.  I don't do martyr with any sort of grace.

The experts talk of old age as a state of mind. I would like to get those experts over and have them push the oak entertainment center around while snookums spring cleans, and coach them from the sidelines. "Don't act old now! You are really 20 years old under those liver spots! Get your back into it! You can rest this evening!"  I would enjoy counseling these experts as well into learning to drive while wearing welding goggles and earmuffs.  "You are holding up traffic! Find a hole in the traffic cones, and push your way through!  The speed limit is 40, fer crissake!"

I am not afraid of death.  The sages tell me that death is a gift from God, and I believe them.  There is nothing that I am doing that I can't put off for eternity, whether it be into the void, or into glorious romping in the upper heavens.  I don't get to choose my reality.  Heaven is, or it isn't, and soon enough, I will either know, or I will be not.

What I am afraid of is the process of dying, and the ignominy of it all.  No matter how you look at it, the process of dying is not a pretty thing, and you find very little poetry lauding those last struggles.  I had a hospice nurse tell me once that the person is unaware at that time, but I have also read accounts of people who were dying and something interrupted the process, and they tell me quite a different story.  I have my own experience with dying.  It was not a pleasant time for me.  I distinctly remember the regret and the humiliation, and I was aware of my surroundings. 

I am a man of hope in the hereafter.  But please understand, that is a mere hope.  In spite of all the religious tracts and positive affirmatives by my well scrubbed and beaming brethren, the truth is I do know if life continues or not.  Ancient scribblings in Greek and Hebrew treat it as a given, but few people have returned to testify to its certainty.  Certainly no one in this generation has.

So I am thinking of becoming a hermit.  I will sit in my $49 "Executive Chair" with the loose arms, and crank out one-way missives and obscure treatises into the æther.  I have few projects to complete, and I will not take on any more.  There is no point in planting trees that will not mature in my lifetime, only to be enjoyed by people I do not even know nor care about.

All my labor, all my successes, all my failures have been in vain.  I do not leave the world a better place.  I leave it to a people who have forgotten history, and deserve all the benefits that an all-encompassing government is going to give them.  As a patriot once said: "May the yoke of their bondage be light on their shoulders."

There may be some of you who may feel the urge to console me, or to admonish me, telling me to buck up.  Please don't.  I am tired of it, and need to learn to let it go.  And in the fullness of time, will it really matter?

~r

Shaman in the Sagebrush: Heaving Bosoms and Lizard Chewies


We were eating a breakfast of rabbit stew and camp bread.  Wilderness cooking is not always tasty, and the stew had to be carefully eaten because the rabbit had not been deboned, and the few wild vegetables we had in it were not all that sapid. But chili pequin and much boiling helped to disguise the rabbit meat.
“So, mi acólito, you have the gift of knowing.” Ben said, sipping the last of the stew.
“What do I do with that?”  I asked.
“Anything you want to do.” he shrugged.
“I don’t think that is much use.”
“Some things we do, because it is there.” he shrugged again.
“What is there?”
“Do you remember the abuela, the grandmother, last week?”
“Yes.”
“She was there, and you spoke.”
“I felt silly.”
“But you spoke.  You knew.”
“OK.  But I have done that most of my life.  It is nothing different.”
“A Brujo knows.” Ben said simply.
Ben began sorting through the pile of herbs he had collected, signaling that the conversation was over.  Just as I arose from my side of his fire-pit, the young man and woman that were with their grandparents last week emerged from the orderly creosote bushes.
I continued on to my shelter and sat down to finish preparing the mushrooms I had gathered at Ben’s direction.  The stems were discarded into the fire, and the still fresh puffball was bound tightly with fibers stripped from the yucca leaves, and sealed with a wax-like substance from the creosote bushes.
A shadow cast itself over the shelter, and I saw the young campesinos in front of me.  I remained seated as Ben had taught me, and the guests rolled out the man’s serape opposite the fire-pit, and knelt on it.
This time the woman was wearing a white dress with tiny red flowers printed on it, and the man was in Levi’s and a western shirt. Both were in huaraches.  I knew that was dressy for the locals.  Both had white cloths tied as slings over their shoulders and flaring at their waist. The sling were obviously loaded.
¡Mi abuela le envía saludos!” The man said formally, holding his hat in his hands.
I looked at him uncomprehendingly.
The girl looked down and interrupted. “Mi hermano . . . My brother . . . no habla Inglés.  I speak . . . a little.  My grandmother sends her . . . saludos.”
“Ah. OK … how is your grandmother?”
“She is well, gracias, but very . . . débil . . . sick.”
Then awkwardly, they laid out their slings.  Inside were vegetables and herbs, most of which I was not familiar with.  There were dried meats and different kinds of nuts.  Three bottles of green stuff with hand whittled stoppers. They were probably bottles of pulque, a vile beer made from the agave plant.
Then the man pulled three 10 Peso coins from his pouch and carefully lined them up in a row.  I think the exchange rate then was around 20¢ to the Peso, so each coin was worth about $1.20.  $3.60.  To them, that would be a considerable amount of money.
We sat there for a bit, the man watching me, his sister with downcast eyes.
I caught Ben pantomiming to me and mouthing words.  Si gaees?  Seeg aess?  Ah! Say “gracias”!
¡Muy gracias!” I beamed back at them.
The man sat still for a moment, a bland look in his eyes, then stood before bowing. “Eres bienvenido.”
The woman gathered up the two slings, leaving the gifts in front of the fire-pit, and turned to follow the man, who had already began walking back through the creosote.
I felt that I had made a serious omission, but Ben was already looking over the offerings.  Other than some of the nuts, I didn’t care about the other things, and I said to Ben, “Take what you want.”
Ben first gathered up the pulque, then returned for the botanicals.  Obviously they were of some importance to him, then said, “They will return.”
“Why?”
“Because you did not release the grandmothers alma.” he replied.  One of the little coarse baskets held small pieces of soft brown pieces.  Ben said, “Eat these.  They are good.”
I gingerly bit into one of the pieces.  It was sticky sweet, obviously honey mixed with a chewy substance.  I ate another.  Then another. Ben was smirking now, and I knew I probably had eaten something very vile.  Finally, I asked.  “What are they?”
¡Logarto!” he roared.  “Lizards!”
I barely held them down by distracting myself with some matting I wanted to put over the buffalo grass that I slept on, and Ben went back to his hogan, barely able to contain himself.
The next morning, I arose with the sun, gathered up the bolsas and started down the path to the arroyo.  The man and the woman emerged again from the creosote rows, and followed me down to the water.  Today, they were dressed less formally, he in tattered Levi’s and she in a coarse blue dress that was loose at the neckline and revealed more than was respectful to notice when she leaned over.
The water had subsided, but you still could get water by digging down in the sand and hollowing out a basin to soak the bags in. The man pointed to the bags, indicating that he would like to fill them.  I stepped back, and watched him carefully scoop out another basin where cleaner water was, and expertly filled two of the bags.  The woman stooped down and filled the other two while I averted my eyes, and we returned to the camp with the morning’s water.
Afterwards, they followed me to a place of mesquite and piñon where I often gathered firewood, and began gathering firewood.  They both had chords with them than they bound the wood into large piles and hefted them on their back.  I felt ridiculous carrying my puny armload when we returned to camp.
The man set his bundle next to Ben’s fire-pit and the woman and I carried ours to mine.  Again, I had to avert my eyes as she rolled the bundle over her shoulders and head, dumping in it a neat pile.  In one trip we had brought home more wood than I gathered in three days.  It would be an easy week for me.
The man and woman went over to a creosote bush and scraped out the underbrush.  Apparently they left their satchels nearby, because they had food.  Ben brought over a pot of bean chili, which was good.  All I had was the lizard chewies and some nuts.  I am not sure that I could have gotten hungry enough for the lizard dessert.
“Did you release the grandmothers alma?”
“I don’t think so.  How do I do that?”
“I don’t know.  You are their Brujo.”
“I’m not a Brujo.”
“But you know like a Brujo, and you speak like a Brujo.”
Ben went back to the hogan, and I wiped out my bowl and hung it on a forked limb that supported the roof, and laid down for a siesta, and dreamed of the woman’s breasts softly brushing against me as I slept.
The sun was well in the western sky when I awoke.  The man and the woman were watching me, and when I arose, they came over to the fire-pit and squatted down.  I drew a small bowl of water and washed my face and hands, then set out to gather some cactus seeds that Ben was collecting.  The cactus would flower in the morning, and the seed pods would burst in the afternoon.  You had to be there on the very day that the flower bloomed to get the seeds before the night creatures devoured them.
There were many flowers that wet spring in the Sonora, and I would pick them up, scrape the sticky seeds into a ditty bag, and go on to the next flower.  The woman quickly caught on to what I was doing, and instead of scraping the seed pods, she dropped the whole pod into her sling. Sometimes the cactus was huge with many flowers and pods, and we worked together.  The man followed us a few paces away, but he made no attempt at gathering pods.
The woman chatted away as we were gathering the pods, and sometimes I would look at her while she was talking, and try my best to not stare down that gaping neckline.  I don’t remember what we talked about. Mostly inane things.  The shy way she would look at me from time to time as she apologized for her poor English was so compelling.  And I am not so sure that the occasional glimpse at that youthful cleavage was as accidental as it appeared to be.  I asked her name.
Nailea.” she said. “Mi hermano es Pablo.”
Nailea and her brother Pablo.  I was glad they were brother and sister.
We returned to the clearing where Nailea dumped her pods and expertly split them over the warm coals, the pods rewarding her with handfuls of dry seeds.  I laboriously washed mine in a bowl of water, and they still were a clumpy-gooy mess.  Ben was delighted in Nailea’s seeds and put those away for a future, and put mine into a bowl for processing.
Just before sunset, Nailea and Pablo set out for home.
¡Mañana!” she called back as they disappeared into the late afternoon.
¡Mañana!” I called back.
That night I finished off the little basket of sweet lizard nuggets, and chased them down with clean water.  And neither Ben nor I was quite as frugal with the fires as we normally were.  Life was good, and I watched the bright stars over the Sonora Desert wheel overhead before falling asleep.  Dusty but dainty feet in huaraches, swelling bosoms, blinking soft brown eyes and coal black hair filled my dreams until dawn.

    Shaman in the Sagebrush; the trickster and the campesina




    By spring I had my hut up in my “spot”.  It wasn’t as expansive as Ben’s hogan and porch, but it had a rain-resistant top, and back and sides of interwoven dry agave flower stems.  Ben would walk up to the fire pit from time to time to give suggestions for the construction. 

    The spring rains left several “lakes” in low spots in the arroyos where a proper bath could be taken, and after a hard day of scrubbing me and my belongings, I was once again odor free, if not sparkling.

    The rains had also made travel in the desert difficult if you didn’t know the lay of the land.  Only the most rural of the locals figured out how to get to Ben’s house, and they would show up in the mornings in knots of two or three family members who often brought ailing children and adults with them.

    As a medicine man, Ben was mostly a snake-oil salesman, and knew it.  He had a few native nostrums in his herb satchel that would relieve minor maladies, but he was of no use to someone who was seriously ill.  I watched the parade of peasants who brought fevered children to him for healing.  Proper medical care was not available to them, and even though there were drug stores in Mexico that sold drug without prescription, most of the drugs were beyond the finances of the people coming to Ben.

    Not all, though.  From time to time, well dressed and comparatively wealthy people would come and take Ben to their homes to cure their sick.  I didn’t go with him on those trips, but I knew they would reward him with cash instead of blankets and food.  He always showed up afterwards roaring drunk.

    One late spring morning an old man, a young man carrying a tiny old woman on his back, and a young woman walked into the camp.  The Ben had been gone a few days, and I would tell anyone who walked into the camp that they would have to return another day.  I was a curiosity to them.  Ben’s gringo.

    Vendrá otra vez otro día.” I told them in my broken Spanish.

    The older man replied in undecipherable Spanish

    I shook my head and said, “Ben no está aquí. Vuelva usted mañana” Ben is not here. Come back tomorrow. 

    The young woman spoke to the old man in Spanish, then turned back to me and said, “My grandmother is dying and cannot speak.  My grandfather wants to know where she hid the money before she dies.  You are the aprendiz de chamán.  You can help, no?”

    The young man helped his grandfather lay the old woman down opposite the fire pit like they did when they approached Ben’s hogan.  The fire was almost out, and I put a couple of pieces of mesquite on the coals and fanned them alive, and sat back on my heels to ponder this turn.

    The old woman was so frail.  I don’t think she could have weighed over 80 pounds. Her skin was a dark wrinkled leather, time worn and weary.  It was hard to tell the age of campesinas in Mexico.  She could have been 40 or 80, but I assumed that she was probably about the same age as her husband.

    Finally, I got up and walked over to the woman and knelt by her head, and put my hand on her forehead. The skin felt dry and papery.  I could feel the young woman’s gaze, but avoided catching her eye.  The old woman was a goner for certain, her breaths coming at 15 to 20 second intervals.  A slight movement caught my eye from across the clearing.  A healthy coyote sat on its haunches watching me, which is odd of itself, because coyotes are wary creatures.

    Then a movement from the grandmother made me look back at her.  Her eyes were wide open, and were a shocking light blue that was wet with life.  A thought came suddenly.  I knew that she was a dying woman, but I knew also that she was going to rally for a short time.

    I heard myself saying to the woman, “Your grandmother has been given more time.  You must treat her very kindly.  You must tell your grandfather to treat her kindly.  You must feed her only the boiled fat from the chicken skin, and the water it is cooked in.  Then you may ask her where the money was hid, and she will tell you.”

    The coyote stood up and trotted off, giving me a backwards glance.  I also noticed that Ben had returned and was standing on the opposite edge of the clearing, watching the activity.  I didn’t want Ben to think I was cutting into his trade, so when the grandfather offered me two peso coins, about 20¢ back then, I refused.

    They bundled grandmother up and put her on the back of the younger man, were she began scolding him in Spanish.  He rolled his eyes and said, “aie aie aie aie!” and the four of them disappeared into the creosote bushes.

    Ben hung his pack up on the post of the porch, then walked over to me.  “So, mi acólito, you are a healer]  I thought he would be angry, but he seemed more amused than anything.  “Be careful, though.  Mescalito is a trickster.”

    “I didn’t do anything to that old woman.”

    “You touched her.”

    “And my touching her healed her?”

    “No. You commanded her alma, her soul, and it returned to her.  She will send her granddaughter back to with more money because you disrespected the payment.  Her alma cannot leave until the debt is paid.”

    “She doesn’t owe me anything.  I didn’t do anything.”

    “You commanded her alma to remain.  It is time for her alma to leave.  She must pay you to release her alma.”

    “How much should I charge her to release her alma?”

    “Whatever you want.”

    “I didn’t do anything.  I just played on the grandfather’s guilt.”

    “Just like your spirit-guide, Mescalito.  You are a trickster.”

    I did not believe then, and I do not believe now that I had anything to do with the recovery of that woman.  But my sudden confidence that she would rally was unnaturally strong.  And the coyote did seem to be laughing at me.

    And that night I dreamed of the young campesina, with her long black hair combed to glistening sheen.





    ... but update? Not so much ....


    Well.  It is Sunday.  The day I rest from the day of rest.  Yeah … it is one Snookums inside jokes.
    I feel so odd in my adopted home when I look outside at the weakened sunlight, yet the boughs and grasslands are still green.  I am not complaining, mind you.  Nevertheless, it was annoying to have to drag a coat around with me yesterday as the first cool weather of the year descended.
    There is not much happening to bring you all up to date in my own life, but there are been many positive events happening in my friendship quadrant that brings me great joy.  I exult when my friends gain happiness, even though I know it is transitory.
    But, ‘tis the season of mood swings for me, as I spiral into the long winters depression.  It is like a comforting blanket now that I have grown used to it.  I am beginning to realize that it is not necessarily an unproductive state, though often it is not a pleasant place to hang out.  It is a time of shedding shibboleths and illusions, and I grieve the loss of each one as I release my grip on them.
    I tend to be morose at this time, and my friends start griping about the negative posts.  The griping hasn’t helped to decrease the state, but has made me less inclined to put my musings out for public viewing.  Hence, you will notice that I often go three and four days between posts.
    I am counting the days until the election.  You would think that the world was on a knife-edge awaiting the choice of President.  But the world will continue on.  Nation will rise up against nation, the peacemakers will bleat, but the wars will continue. And I long to read news that isn’t connected to the election in some way.
    I have already made up my mind who I am voting for against, but stubbornly refuse to vote early.  I think there should be a day when people vote, and I think they should have to get off their duffs and go to a polling place on that day.  Perhaps an accommodation should be made for military and those living overseas, but those accommodations should be very restrictive.
    So!  There it is for this day.
    Good afternoon!
    ~r

    Shaman in the Sagebrush #2


    The frost nipped at my ears in the bitter cold as I walked past the bluish cast of a mercury vapor lamp.  I was at the end of the pavement, and the narrow track leading out into the sagebrush was before me.  There was no moon out, but the track was barely discernible in the darkness.

    My life was a shambles, my restaurant went up in smoke, my wife and infant daughter were gone.  There was no turning back.  There was just me and my Army surplus B-9 parka, and my friends at the commune two miles across the darkened sagebrush.  I had decided to make a clean break of everything and just vanish.

    I was comforted by the knowledge that the rattlers had long gone to their winter burrows, and only coyotes would be out in the darkness.  It sure was a lonesome hike as the cold blue light dipped into the blackness as I dropped over the last hillock. 

    I heard something rustling off to the left side in short bursts, sounding like a dog trotting.  It would stop when I stopped, and move when I moved.  The gorge of fear rose in me, but there was no turning back.  There was nothing left behind me and if I was going to survive at all, my future was down the imperceptible gleam of the path ahead.  I wish I had picked up a weapon of some sort, maybe a stick or a board before entering the darkness, but here I was with only my hands.

    I pushed back the parka hood to hear better, and felt the bite of bitter air on my ears, but now I could hear better.  I tried two or three times to drop to my knees and see if I could skylight my stalker, but he was indistinguishable walking in the sage. 

    I sensed the narrow bridge ahead of me, but could not make it out.  Carefully stepping on it, I felt around with my foot for the center board, and step by feeling step, crossed the steep canyon until I felt the powdery dirt again under my feet.  The house was close now, but it was unlit and I couldn’t see it. 

    I heard the rustle inside the goat pen just off to my right, and knew I was on the path to the house, and finally, the white adobe walls faintly gleamed.  When I got to the door, I could see the fire burning through the gaps in the pinewood door.  Pushing it open, the welcoming fire lit the room brightly, so it seemed, even though it was a very small fireplace and held perhaps two sticks of wood at a time.

    Old Ben, a Mexican-Indian Brujo was tending the fire, but the rest of the residents were asleep.  I sure hoped I could find a spare sleeping bag.

    “You are safe now.” Ben said.

    I nodded, and sat down beside him.  He offered me a steaming bowl of some sort of sage tea.  Good.  I wasn't in a mood for tripping.  Ben never used cups, only clay bowls.  I discovered much later that they were all a part of his ritual tools, and that he had fashioned them, painted them and fired them himself, using only the crudest of equipment.  But at that time, I was just glad that the brew was warm.  Though sage is not a favorite beverage of mine, it was welcomed that night. 

    Just before dawn, Ben got up and walked to the corner of the room, and pulled out a sleeping bag from a pile of backpack and other gear, and said: “This belonged to Button.  She left for Texas last week.  It is yours, now.”  Then he went out the door.

    I found an empty spot in the huge bunk bed, and rolled into the bag for the remainder of the night.  I knew not what lay ahead, but for the moment, I was home.

    Beans and fire-ants




    Beans, beans, the musical fruit
    The more you eat, the more you toot
    The more you toot, the better you feel
    So let’s have beans at meal!


    So last night for our Shabbat meal, Snookums made her killer chili.  Before we retired, we attended services on Friday evenings.  We had an iron clad rule: No beans on the Shabbat.  But she felt that since we are now retired, so was the rule.

    Unfortunately, now I am also sans gallbladder, and so hard to digest things like beans take on an added dimension.  Not trying to be indelicate here, but sometimes the relieving wind contains more than flatulency.  So this morning I made an executive decision.  We’ll stay home this morning because I am not so sure that I can sit out the three hours.

    So what does one do on this day of rest?  All week long, I look out my window and see uncompleted tasks awaiting me.  But something always seems to take precedence.  Then a day of rest comes, and I can barely hold myself back from my fire-ant killing.

    Speaking of fire-ants.  These little invasive buggers have lowered the poisonous snake population because they are also voracious eaters of baby toads, snakes favorite food.  Field mice populations are down too.  I suppose that is upsetting things in the total ecological system as the owl population thins, the turkey buzzards have to range wider, and the butterfly effect takes place.[1]

    I now officially have three writing projects going.  Akashaic is on hiatus while I sort out the entangled timeline, Shaman in the Sagebrush is a less intense work where a complete essay can be knocked out in a couple of hours, and lastly, Seduction of a Friar is still in the conceptual phase.

    All-in-all, things are good here in the wildlands, today. Hope your day is a good one too!

    ~r



    [1] The idea, often expressed in writings on Chaos theory, that small changes in one part of a system can produce unpredictable large changes in another part - thus a butterfly flapping its wings in South America might trigger a snowfall in New York.

    Wow.  Friday already. 

    It is scary how I seem to be running pell-mell toward Thanato’s scythe.  I remember being fourteen and having to wait two more years for a driver’s license.  Those two years ground by with agonizingly slowness.  Now that I wish to savor the fruits of my labor and watch the world drift by, I feel like I am watching it from the window of a bullet train.

    I tried to stay out of the election this year having already decided whom I was going to vote against this year.  So I missed the first debate, but the fever caught up with me and I watched the veep debates and then the last Presidential debate.  Debates rarely win elections.  Mostly because the so-called independents are not truly independent.  They just don’t publicly commit themselves.

    And the pollsters have concluded that people *gasp!* LIE to them.  Hallelujah.  That restores my faith in humanity.  The other thing that they have discovered is that Conservatives do not often answer polls, and in the past they have under-counted the Conservative vote by as much as 4 points.  Even now, they factor a fudge correction in rather than make an extra effort to poll Conservatives.

    So in some of the bigger upsets, like the Republicans winning the House of Representatives and Bush Jr.’s win against Gore, the press and pollsters were in shock!

    Anyway … here I am in the midst of pundits and nabobs in the press, warring polls, and I am also privy to insider counts.  In spite of all that, nothing predicts what the people will do in the so-called battleground States.

    Bleah.  Let’s hold the election and get it over with. 

    The sun has returned, and I happily look out on the freshly mowed acreage. It takes about five hours to properly mow it, but I usually spread it out over two days.  Mowing seems to bring order to my life.  Odd.

    Not much else going on this week as one more Holy Day arrives, bringing its own duties.
    Hope this day finds you in as good of a mood as I am in.

    ~r

    An introduction to Shaman in the Sagebrush.




    High in the mountains of the Sangre de Christo range in New Mexico, just south of Taos is a place the locals call Llano Quemado, (yawnoh kemawdo).  The Burnt Plain. 

    The legend for the name was that it had been a piñon forest where early Conquistadores had encamped, and a huge forest fire burned so hotly that nothing grew there for many years afterwards.  The conquistadores split into several communities in the area.  Abandoned Catholic chapels dot the landscape and their walls are often the only indication that there were ever any villages there.

    Today it is a featureless sagebrush prairie with several hot springs bubbling out from the foothills.  At the Northern end of the plain along the foothills, is an abandoned swimming pool that I remember was an operating pool when I was a child of eight or so.  The pool was called Talpia Hot Springs.  However, the pool couldn’t meet the chlorinating requirements of the State because of the continually flowing water, so the owners simply closed it and let it go to ruin.  That area now also sports the upscale community of Llano Quemado and “Ponce de Leon Hot Springs”.  Pardon me while I retch.

    I and a few other hippies had moved in there after some heated arguments in the surrounding hippie communes.  We had very few rules in the communes, but thievery was rampant, and some of us fled the formal communes and settled there in the abandoned buildings to escape the avarice.  We had no locks on the doors, and people came and went at will.  Thievery didn’t happen because we had nothing to steal.

    Winter had settled in with ferocity that year, and our meager wood supplies where quickly exhausted.  Many of the hippie residents went searching for warmer quarters, but a few of us remained.  It was at that time that I met Ben.  Ben wasn’t his real name, but I swore I would not reveal it, and even though he has certainly passed away by now, I will still honor that oath.  A Brujo rarely gave out his real name.  In thinking back, I believe that I was the only one at the commune/crash pad that did know Ben’s real name.

    I was huddles by the little adobe fireplace in the corner of one room we called the bunkroom.  The others were clustered together for warmth and sex under piles of blankets and sleeping bags in a huge bunkbed we had built off the floor along one wall. Group sex was not my forte’ and I would excuse myself after a few obligatory kisses and caresses. Ben arrived some time after midnight when the happily trammeled group had happily collapsed in post coital bliss. 

    He was bearing a bundle of piñon wood and peyote, which was not all that unusual for him. Wordlessly, he sat beside me in front of the fire, and frugally fed the piñon sticks into the fire as he brewed up peyote tea in a small clay bowl.  When the tea was ready, he carefully cut up one more peyote button into the tea, and the pieces floated on the top of the brew.

    Then he  softly chanted as I watched, mesmerized, as the little pieces of peyote in the bowl followed his instructions to move away from him, then flow toward him.  Then he took a sip, and passed the steaming bowl to me.  I took a small sip, and my stomach lurched violently with the bitter brew. 

    Ben commanded, “Another!” as he pantomimed drinking from the bowl

    Again, I raised the bowl to my lips, watched the steaming bits on the surface retreat from my lips, and took a bigger sip.  Again, the flash of nausea, and the fighting back of the bile.

    “Good!” he said.  “I knew you would be awake.  I tell only you.  This is not your home.  I will come again and show you home.  But tonight I show you your guide.”

    I didn’t think much about that comment.  I was still busy trying to keep the bitter brew in my stomach.  Finally, I fled out the front door into the hard winter night, and retched the tea up, then returned to the fire to re-warm myself.  A warmth that didn’t come from the fire began to softly envelope me and I settled back on my haunches and let peyote bathe me in its fire.  I opened my blankets and let the firelight flicker on my bare chest and watched the coyotes jump about in the dancing flames.

    “You see the coyotes!” Ben exclaimed. 

    I replied, “yes?” … why would that amaze him?  They were there for all too see, or so I thought, anyway.

    “Mescalito likes you.  He dances for you.”

    “Mescalito is a coyote?”  I asked.

    “Sometimes.  Sometimes he is dog.  Sometimes he is wolf.  Usually he is coyote, though.  Mescalito fears humans.  But he likes you.  He dances for you. He will be your guide.”

    The fire slowly began to change colors, dissolving from reds to greens to yellows to blues to violets.  Each color had a new theme.  I watched plants go through complete lifecycles.  I saw gargoyle like creatures clumsily dance in strange cities.  I saw men with shell like hair.  I saw vast landscapes that heaved like oceans.  I saw beauty, I saw ugliness.

    Then, with the winding blacks, violets and purples, a young woman danced a very sensuous and inviting dance.  She was wearing a long black satin dress, and a deep purple lace mantilla graced her head and shoulders.  Her long hair was a lusterous black glistened with tiny violet and purple streaks.  She was breathtaking in her beauty.

    “You must not dance with her.” Ben warned.  “She is the bony lady.  Santisima Muerte .
    Oddly, I did meet her several times in the two years afterwards.  It was always when I was drinking, and usually when the crowd was breaking up at the end of the party.  She never talked, just beckoned to me to follow.  I don’t know why I didn’t follow her.  She was very strange.  She beckoned to others as well, but they did not seem to notice her, which was very odd as well.  Most of the men I knew did not pass on a beckoning beauty.

    As the harsh gray fingers of dawn began peeking around the edges of the pine door, Ben suddenly roses and left.  I didn’t hear a car start.  Later I discovered that his hogan was just a couple of miles out in the sagebrush from the hot springs.

    As I tell you this story, you may think my matter-of-fact tone is odd.  I guess it is, but most of these “meetings” with the bony lady and other Mexican/Indian spirits were very ordinary.  No one seemed to notice the silent young woman with long black hair wearing a long black dress and a deep purple veil.  No one noticed the laughing coyote sitting on the bar.  No one even looked up at the kachina’s[1] dancing the walls.

    I walked with the spirits, and thought nothing of it.  They seemed so ordinary to me.  You might think that I was insane, and I do not deny that I was frequently in an altered state, but if you search it out, you will find that my experience was far from unique. Mystics have reported similar results for ages.

    In the weeks to follow, I will attempt to pull up more cohesive tales to enlighten you.  They do require a certain amount of creative editing in the retelling, because I walked in two worlds at the same time, and segued between the spirit world and the real world continually, and it is hard to remain in one or the other while telling you about that odd time in my life.

    In the real world, all is order, things have a logical beginning, a middle and an end.  In the spirit world, all is chaos, where beginnings take place at the same time as endings, and the middles weaves itself among the two poles. Beauty is treacherous, and rare kindness is found in repulsiveness.

    I hope to be a bit more descriptive than my earlier vignettes were.  But if they seem to be a bit fairy-tellish, remember that they were the real life perceptions of a mad man.  To quote Mark Twain; I told the truth.  Mostly.

    ~r



    [1] Ancestral being of the Pueblo Indians. As each tribe has its own kachinas, there are more than 500 of these spirit-beings. They are believed to reside with a tribe for half of each year and can be seen by the community if its men properly perform a ritual while wearing kachina regalia. The being depicted through the regalia is thought to be actually present with the performer, temporarily transforming him. Kachinas are also represented by small wooden dolls that are carved and decorated by the men of the tribe and used to teach children the identities of each kachina and its associated symbolism.

    The Beginning Before the Beginning.




    I had started a series of posts on multiply® about my apprenticeship into a Mexican Indian cult of medicine men (and a few women) who were called brujos or brujas.  It is a mixture of witchcraft and sorcery, perhaps leaning more to the sorcery side of the description.

    My last post was one moment in the apprenticeship where I left the practice.  Or perhaps more precisely, it rejected me.

    I wont defend the practice.  My own opinion of it is that it is an evil spiritual path, and those who consult with a Brujo become his victims.  I was more of a traveler who took a side trip into the realm in the aftermath of the beatnik/hippy era, when so much of my youthful idealism foundered on the rocks of reality.

    I think I will resume the essays for a few weeks, and this is the disclaimer for them.

    I had peeked into a hidden universe that is connected to ours.  An old mystical saying is: “As above, so below”.  The images I saw were breathtakingly beautiful and hideous.  Oddly, when I was in a trance with my Brujo, we would see the same things.  He would often tell me what I had seen, and offer his unique explanation for those visions.

    What did I bring from my two years in Brujeria?  I did NOT find God.  I discovered that Satan does not protect his pupils.  There was no mercy in the practice. One careless incantation, one omission of a key ingredient, one incorrectly gathered ingredient, one step outside of the warding circle, and you were destroyed.

    The Brujo is also the actor.  What he knows and practices in private is not what he shows the public who solicit his services.  When someone comes to him for a healing, an incantation, or even a cursing, the Brujo will perform magic tricks and mix useless potions, extracting as much cash as he can from the unsuspecting Rube.

    If you want Brujo magic, you must become a Brujo.  It is inherently a solitary practice that requires long periods of isolation.  A Brujo’s home is not easily found.  Some Brujo’s have a shelter in the Sonora desert in summer, and another in Arizona or New Mexico.  They tend to be the most reclusive ones.  My Brujo was such a shaman, and most of the public who supported him were native Pueblo and Navajo Indians.

    Maybe tomorrow, I’ll start at the beginning …

    Good morning!

    ~r

    Death of a Brujo


    Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness,  
    Who seek the LORD:  Look to the rock from which you were hewn  

    And to the quarry from which you were dug.



    Don’t ever try that again.” The chestnut stallion warned as he looked back at me after I had jumped to safety.

    Suddenly I was wide-awake, my heart racing.  In the dream, I had to feed three horses and I was frightened of them.  I steeled myself, not believing that I was afraid of horses, and began walking along the fence line to feed them.  In the adjoining pasture was a bad tempered bull, so I reasoned that if the horses attacked me, I could cross the fence into the bulls pasture, and cross into the horse pasture if the bull charged.

    Fortunately, neither came after me at the same time as I walked along the fence line.  My heart was in my mouth as I resolutely pushed myself forward.  Finally, I reached the back fence where a wooden feeding trough sat under a spreading cottonwood tree.
    Once again I sternly reminded myself that these were just horses, and that my fear of them was unreasonable, and to just empty the bucket into the trough and go home.  The horses stood alertly a few steps away from the trough, watching me.  I boldly began walking toward the trough, and just before I got close enough to empty the feed pail, they turned in unison to kick me.  I dropped the pail in fright and rolled under the back fence to safety.

    That is when the stallion turned his head toward me to warn me.

    Shortly after that, chaos descended, and after a month’s long bout of hard drinking, I woke up in Denver.  That was the dividing point in my apprenticeship as a Brujo.  I had failed the test, and fled to the safety of a ragged, but very Anglo community.

    Sorcery is a very unforgiving path, and will destroy the unwary.  That is why you cannot learn sorcery from a book.  Without a Brujo to guide you and ward off the phantoms of darkness, you will descend into dementia or better, death.  Doubt me?  Listen to the tales in a psyche ward.

    There has always been a warding spirit around me that kept me from harm.  Maybe it is fools who get the stronger spirit.  I had pushed the envelope a little too far this time, however.  I suddenly became aware that the old “street smarts” had vanished, and later discovered that they would never return.  I had eaten the forbidden apple and now I knew good from evil.

    I chose the good.  I choose the good today.  I have stepped off the path repeatedly, but my guide no longer protects me as I wander off the path, but ever points me back to the path.  I know the way home, now, but there is no certain safety in the woods.

    Still, I wonder.  Had I persisted, what would I be   ….

    ~ r 

    Challah Breads and Eternal Lights


    Late morning.  I dislike this cycle I am on right now of retiring late, rising late, especially when I have chores for the day.  As I age, I discover that my morning routine of waking, precisely two cups of coffee, rarely more, never less, an hour catching up on the day’s events, and maybe an hour or less on the journal, is an necessary part of the daily routine.  When I wake late, breakfast intrudes on that routine, and lengthens it out to noon before I am ready to leave the house.

    The guy who used to jump in his car and take off with $5 in his pocket, and work his way across the United States now won’t drive to town without credit cards, at least $20 in cash, a cell phone, a side arm, AAA Membership and a GPS.  How the mighty has fallen!

    Anyway, Friday, as I said in earlier posts is devoted to preparing for the Shabbat tomorrow.  One wag I know says that God gave Jews a day of rest, and the first things Jews did was to figure out how to work at resting.  I to that to heart, and now do my preparations the day before. 

    Snookums makes the challah bread today.  Over the high holy days, she mixes raisins into the dough and forms the challah into a round loaf.  When the holy days are done, she omits the raisins, and triple braids the dough for baking.  The reason for that is to allow the tearing the bread rather than cutting it.  It is a traditional thing, not something that is mandated in the Torah, and I’ll not bore you with the long winded reason for that.

    And of course, on this day I clean the synagogue in preparation for the Shabbat.  This week I have been designing a nir tamid, a lamp that hangs over the chest containing the Torah scroll.  I settled on one of the new electric flickering candles to light the lamp.  

    Scooter, the RFD mailman, just delivered it and I had to see if it works.  I have looked through the catalogues and found metal lamps called “garden lamps” that look like they just might work as a first solution while I gather the copper sheets and start hammering out an “Aladdin” lamp.  But that might be months or even years in the crafting.

    Reading the morning reports on the debates last night.  Liberal pundits say Biden won, Conservative’s say Ryan won.  That pretty much tells me the debates were a wash when it comes to swaying the mystical independents.  The latest Electoral College polls show that five states that the Democrats had a lock on have moved to the toss up category.  It will be amusing this year to hear the Democrats find a new love for the Electoral College.

    So anyway.  I have the radio on a timer, and talk radio springs to life. That is my cue to wrap things up on my computer, put some shoes on, and tend to the wild verges of the Armor estate.

    Good Morning!

    ~r

    Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.
    ~ from a holy writ.

    One morning, just before pre-dawn on the second floor of an old house in a nameless city, I met God. No holy writs were read, no arcane rites were performed, no hidden mysteries were revealed. I was changed in a moment. Old friends no longer knew me. Old haunts no longer called me.  The impossible became possible.

    The Rabbi ask the question: “How do you know you were in the presence of God?”
    The student says: “I felt wonderful afterwards!”
    The Rabbi suggests: “Perhaps it was the pizza you ate earlier.”

    All this is to lead the student to a basic truth in spirituality, regardless of the path.  There is only one answer.  One cannot have stood in the presence of God and walked away unchanged.

    Yes, I have a religion that speaks to a certain system of beliefs, but that is not the evidence of God nor of my experience of him.  Perhaps had you been standing by me in that room on Tejon Street in the small hours, you may have seen God too.  Or you may not have.  I have no way of knowing that.

    In the Christian holy writs is a story of Paul, who while walking on the road to Damascus with an authorization letter to imprison followers of Jesus was suddenly blinded by a light that fell from heaven.  His fellow travelers did hear Gods voice, but they never saw the light.  No reason was given for it.

    It may surprise some people that many of the people in the religious community remain atheist and agnostic.  In light of my own experience, I don’t know why they remain in the religious community, but there they are.  Religion without God has to be a tedious experience.

    A huge percentage of my online friends are agnostic, and even militant atheists.  The militant atheists are as obnoxious as the evangelists are.  They are in fact evangelists, though most go apoplectic with huffy denials should you dast suggest it.

    Anyway … that was a bunny trail.  Onwards.

    The proof of God’s existence is in that meeting with him.  Without that meeting, there is no proof of God that a rational mind will accept.  I do not know why some people do not have that meeting, and others do.  Maybe God just does not like them.  Who knows?

    Agnostics I understand.  Agnosticism is at its core the position of a truth seeker.  It is a humble position, and a safe one when standing between militant evangelists and militant atheists.

    Atheists I do not understand.  An atheist pulls up all his own resources, dismisses the experience of some 40% to 70% of people who testify to the existence of a god, and with their superior intellectual resources smugly announce to all that there is no God.  I probably view atheists much the same way as they do me.  As fools.  Some of them are even lovable, but they are still fools.

    And finally, the last group I have not offended.  Starry-eyed ites of Christians, Muslims and Buddhists, whose belief is not born of not having stood in God’s presence, but rather shibboleths and wonderful sayings.  Fine dividers of theological talking points.  I often see them as children who still believe in the tooth-fairy.  Their faith has not been tested, and in my not-so-humble opinion, it would crumble with the first onslaught of persecution.

    I have to put hard reins upon myself to not be the purveyor of aforesaid persecution.  It is almost a knee jerk reaction to puncture their happy faced balloon.  It is fluff, totally devoid of substance, and I think to myself that I would be doing them a favor.

    But the truth is, God is found in the stillness.  In the dark nights of the soul.  In a shabby room of a old house.  Alone.  The faith of foxhole conversions is weak, as is the  untested faith of millions living in peace and safety.

    The evidence is always the change.

    And here I sit, some 670 words into a rant.  270 words past a morning journal.  I guess the Journal will wait.

    Good morning!

    ~r

    Heroism and 14 year old girls ...


    The autumn sun peeks thru the low clouds and lights up the wild grass in long streaks of yellow light.  Kippur the budgie is chirping with joy at the dawn of a new day, and the dogs dance in expectation of breakfast.

    OK.  James Joyce I am not.

    A new day bearing its own evils has dawned.

    Really? How evil can a day be when you are retired?

    OK.  Stock opening. 

    The household wakes to a hushed autumn morning, the dogs watch MzLinda sleeping, waiting for the merest flutter of an eyelid to signal she is waking.  Kippur the budgie lets out a single soft chirp at the light around the edges of the blinds, awaiting their opening so that he can really get the morning chirps and trills going.

    And as usual, I grump down to the studio with my coffee cup.  Now that I have taken over another bedroom for my studio, the trek is only 40’ instead of 60’ from the coffee pot.  Open the blinds to see the weak autumn sunrise light up the fields and copses about me.  Open a newsfeed window, an email window, a chat room window, an empty Word® page, a Blogger® page and a facebook® page, and see what has transpired in the world while I was sleeping.

    There is very little on the blogs today.  My old group has once again been fragmented by the closing of yet another social blogsite.  Most of us migrated from Yahoo 360 to multiply® then floundered around for a bit, and are slowly migrating here.  Blogster feels so much like Y 360 with its clunky and arcane architecture, but they are promising a better system.  Some day.
    I have several friends on Blogspot/Blogger, but it is hard to keep up with their postings.  We work around that a bit by posting links in facebook, but it is a poor substitute for a social site.

    My sister Pamela is still working her way thru the cycles of emotions after the loss of her house.  It seems that arson is suspected in the case of the neighbors house, and her house got caught up in the flames.  The heartbreaking task of finding salvageable things continues.  How does one console that?

    And the news … politics.  Ho hum.  I have already made a decision.  Lets vote.

    And of course, a true heroine.  Malala Yousafzai, the 14 year old Pakistani girl who was shot by some Taliban troglodytes for insulting the Taliban.  The brave muhajideen boarded her school bus and shot her twice in the face in the name of Allah.  Today the doctors removed a bullet from her spine, though she is still in a comma.  I have such a strong desire to visit those brave men of Islam with a true holy war.  Jihad?  I'll show you jihad! Yeah, I bray like an ass.

    So that is the morning here in my corner of paradise and the home of the bottomless pot of coffee.

    Good morning!

    ~r

    From Omega to Alpha


    [Disclaimer:  Religious content ahead.  I didn’t set out to convert anyone, indeed, just the opposite.  Judaism is the base for two other great religions, and some of our obscure rites are embedded in theirs.  For Christians in the English speaking world, this holiday is called the Feast of Booths, and is referred to several times in the Gospels and Letters.  It is a time that reminds us that ALL nations will go up to Jerusalem in the Messianic Kingdom.]

    Well, the High Holy Days are complete, a cycle of reflection, admitting, atoning, forgiveness, and joy wrapped up in a term called “teshuvah”.  To return.  For Jews, the last pages of the Torah 
    Scroll are read, then the scroll is rewound and the first paragraph in the Torah is read. “In the beginning, God created the heaven and the Earth”.  The sages say we do that because the beginning is connected to the end.

    Our sages are a flawed lot, at one moment illustrating a point that is breathtakingly sublime, and the next moment saying something so profoundly stupid that we gape in astonishment.  Perhaps that is a good thing.

    Anyway.  Life returns to normalcy here in my adopted homeland in the wilds of Central Texas where the much disputed balance point of the Continental USA is located.  I am thinking someone had way too much time on their hands in calculating that.

    Later today I’ll remove  the sukkah soo’kah (a primitive shelter) that I built in front of the synagogue.  One homeboy down here harvested the river cane to build it.  He had the hard job, running off rattlers as thick as my thigh to cut the cane.  Had that been me, they would have had to build the sukkah out of purchased materials.  I leave rattlers alone if they stay out of my domicile and verges, and empty my .45 ACP into them if they don’t.  But the cane breaks belong to them and their cousins the water moccasins.

    Linda and I made the two and a half hour trip down to a friend’s synagogue in San Antonio for a combined celebration of the last day this weekend, and returned in time to celebrate them on the day God appointed them, so we are pretty celebrated out this week of returning to normalcy.

    The back of the heat and drought has been broken for us, the fall rains are returning after a three year hiatus.  It is a shock to wander out in my house clothes, coffee cup in hand, into a brisk 45° morning.  But the heat stricken sweetpotato vines on the porch have began a vigorous growth, the tree are in their second growth, and the land looks like springtime.  Rain, we have greatly missed you.

    My sister Pamela (sister2cats) has been keeping us up to speed with the latest family disaster.  Her house went up in flames after a neighbors house caught fire.  Everyone got out OK, though one cat fled into the darkness.  They found the cat later, so from that vantage point, all is well.  But now the aftermath.

    An oldtimer I knew who was mentoring me thru a very rough patch of real life, showed me a picture of his Kansas home after a tornado destroyed it.  A hot, calm Kansas day followed the tornado, and he came up from the cellar to a pile of shingles and 2x4’s.  First there was the gratitude. Then the shock.  Then the dismay.  Some neighbors appeared.  One person saw a sofa cushion, and picked it up and started a pile of furnishing.  Another began to pull apart 2x4’s and carried them to a new pile.  Day after day, they returned, separating the salvageable from the unsalvageable.  Finally, the foundations were bared, and the rebuilding could begin.

    Life is like that.  I remember the final scene from Schindler’s List when the Russians liberated the workers and hung the camp commander.  The remaining Jews were stranded there, families and occupations were destroyed.  They were not sure of their welcome if they returned to their villages.  They asked the Russian General where they should go.  He said: Go anywhere you like.  You are free! 

    Yeah.  Where do you go after a disaster?  You walk back to the wreckage and pick up a sofa cushion and put it in a salvage pile.  You pick up a 2x4 and start a 2x4 pile.

    So enough of the morbid musing this morning.  Snookums took my car to the store today.  Hers is with the mechanics who are going to do $300+ of tender loving to it.  The dogs are laying forlornly out by the back gate, awaiting for her to round the corner on her return.  Kippur the budgie is quiet this morning.  A muted Autumn surrounds me as I sip the morning coffee and ponder.

    Good morning!

    ~r


    Bad news


    For those of you who know Pamela, my sister, her house went up last night following a neighbors house fire.  Sounds like all got out OK, though one cat fled into the darkness and hasn't been found yet .

    Uska Dara and my fist real love .... - rusty-armor's Blog - Blogster

    Uska Dara and my fist real love .... - rusty-armor's Blog - Blogster

    Butterflies, Budgies and facts ...


    Friday morning.  

    Late.  

    I seem to be back in truck driver mode where I go until I am sleepy, and sleep ‘til I am ready to go.  It messes up my schedule, though.  I would have preferred to rise much earlier than the crack of 9 o’clock.  I blame it on daylight savings.  When we return to God’s time this year, I’ll be back to my normal 8am  rising.

    It is not a full day today, but there are some things to get off the punch list.  Turn on the hose for a while to water the posies, and after lunch, go prepare the synagogue for Shabbat services.  I just cannot belong to a congregation and not contribute to it in some small way.  The cleaning isn’t onerous, though.  It is merely a small storefront with a foyer, main room and single toilet.  We are up to 15 regular congregants now, and I am expecting it to grow to around 30 or so … about five or six families.

    It takes me about an hour to clean, and it is sort of my busy-quiet time to use an oxymoron.  It prepares my mind for Shabbat as well.  When I return home, it is jump into the shower, don the special clothes for this day, and sit down at the table to begin the ancient liturgy.  Now it is just the two of us and I do not feel the necessity to do the entire liturgy in both Hebrew and English, and zip thru the rite at warp speed.
    Political silly season is upon us, the first dog and pony show we call a debate has come and gone.  I will not be watching them this year simply because I have already decided who I am voting against.  I think this is true for most of the electorate.  Nevertheless, we go on with the fiction that the true independents are being swayed by points and counterpoints made by the candidates.

    A new phenomenon has grown the last decade.  Fact checkers. For some reason, many accept the fact checkers as evenhanded purveyors of truth, which is hardly the case.  A curious thing happens in the right/left pull of American politics.  Both sides believe they are “centrist” or “moderates” and the other side is extreme.  For the leftists, they accept the idea that all wisdom lies in Washington DC and they view States Rights with suspicion, therefore things like health care are naturally the purview of the Federal Government.  To oppose that view is “extreme” and you will be accused of hating the “very poor among us” …

    The right, on the other hand, feel that the several States are the one correctly charged with the welfare of its populations, and that a Central government is abhorrent. To oppose that view you become a “nanny state” extremist.
    A current example is that the fact checkers naturally will omit commenting on such “obvious” facts such as the need for Federal Healthcare.  And the real question of how do we provide health care for the masses within the framework of the Constitution and becomes one of “He is against healthcare” and here are the facts to prove it.

    My own view never truly appears on the political landscape, anyway.  I am a Constitutionalist who believes that the proper place to provide for the welfare of the people is the jurisdiction of the several States.  If the Federal government makes a repressive law, I have nowhere to flee.  If a State makes a repressive law, I can flee to another State.

    Anyway … enough political ranting.

    We are overrun with monarch butterflies migrating south this year.  They are very tiny, so I suspect that it has been a tough year for them. The first spring we were here they were migrating north, and were huge.  That had been a particularly wet winter in Texas and Mexico.  But the persistent droughts and wildfires in their summer quarters in Indiana, Ohio and Illinois has made it a lean year for them

    And the yard has sprung to life with the later rains, plants and grasses that have been dormant for almost four years are everywhere.  It is more like spring than fall.

    Kippur (say Kipper) the budgie is finally adjusting to his new home, and the mornings ring with his happy chirps and trills.

    So now sated with pecan waffles and strong coffee, I give this a once over, and prepare it for posting, lean back in my chair, and watch autumn unfold out my window.

    Good morning!

    ~r 

    Each day I go a-wandering




    I love to go a-wandering,
    Along the mountain track,
    And as I go, I love to sing,
    My knapsack on my back.
    Chorus:
    Val-deri,Val-dera,
    Val-deri,
    Val-dera-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
    Val-deri,Val-dera.
    My knapsack on my back.
    I love to wander by the stream
    That dances in the sun,
    So joyously it calls to me,
    "Come! Join my happy song!"
    I wave my hat to all I meet,
    And they wave back to me,
    And blackbirds call so loud and sweet
    From ev'ry green wood tree.
    High overhead, the skylarks wing,
    They never rest at home
    But just like me, they love to sing,
    As o'er the world we roam.
    Oh, may I go a-wandering
    Until the day I die!
    Oh, may I always laugh and sing,
    Beneath God's clear blue sky!



    Late to bed and late to rise,
    Can it be that Poor Richard lies?

    Well … perhaps lie is a too strong word for Benj. Franklin’s homily.  I have spent most of my life working outside the normal diurnal cycles of life.  I washed dishes in the evenings as I was going through High School, and worked as a bartender much of my early adulthood.

    Often the regular night shifts were accompanied by working part time during the day as well.  It wasn’t that I was all that ambitious.  I just enjoyed long vacations and often left my jobs after a year or two and went awandering.

    I have always had wanderlust, though marriage has certainly put a damper on it.  I had a reputation as a runaway as a kid, but it wasn’t because I had a mean home.  I just wanted to know what was going on in the world beyond my view.

    It got me into many minor brushes with the law, usually for vagrancy and hanging out.  As Paul Simon so put it; “seeking out the poorer quarters where the ragged people go, seeking out the places only they would know.”

    But marriage put an end to the wandering.  At first I chaffed under the leash, and that caused a lot of problems with a first marriage.  But by the second marriage, life had pretty much beaten some sense into me, and I remained at home and vicariously scratched my itch from time to time with short day trips that I kept quiet.

    Ever so often I just have to see something I have never seen before.

    Snookums hasn’t an ounce of wanderlust in her.  Houses and mortgages, pets and gardens are her forte, and in her mind, all decent people should be that way if they aren’t.  And I am softly but relentlessly pushed into adopting that view

    Lately, my feet have started itching again.  (Relax, family.  I am going nowhere.)  I sat down at the diner of a nearby truck stop for coffee and listened to the freight and long-haul drivers banter back and forth.  I miss living in my truck for weeks at a time, and waking to a new view each morning.  I love the rumble of a diesel engine idling in winter while I caught 40 winks in a remote pull-out.  I miss not knowing my way around countless cities.

    I am thinking this day of running down to the city (Austin) for some Kosher items, and stopping by Sheppler’s for a western sheepskin jacket and new hat.  I plan for the trip with care, putting the way points into my GPS for retrieval and wonder at my careful planning.  How many times have I left Colorado with a load of boxed beef bound for an unknown address on the East Coast?  I have grown so cautious in my dotage.